A simple thing

 

One must have heard many times: ‘Yeh to pyar mein paagal ho gaya’, or ‘Sar pe chhot lagne se iska dimag kharab ho gaya’, or ‘Iske sath dushkarm hua tha, so iska mood thik nahi rehta hai.’ If you go mad in love, or have a brain injury, or a sexual abuse, our society has easy explanations. Every consequent event in your life can be tied to that known event as if the event of the past is a horse pulling the cart of your life. As with many things in our daily lives, it is hardly known why people in such circumstances behave like they behave, and if there is a scientific explanation and cure for the phenomenon. The grand assimilation which the Indian society is so capable of just assimilates these occurrences like many other things like corruption, bribery, illegal drugs and so on. What is behind these people and many others who suffer something called a trauma?

A traumatic event in your life fills you with negative emotions of all kinds. When the event occurs, the mind and the body is overwhelmed by these emotions. One can be shocked, irritated, angry, in pain, jealous etc. It depends on the reason for the trauma. And can occur with people with all walks of life and of all classes. Parental neglect can cause trauma to children. An accident can fill you with a dread and trauma. An abusive husband or a wife can overtime inflict deep scars. Love as we know has caused many a trauma. Cheating husbands and wives are a prime example. Why do these events cause so much pain to us all through our lives and why is it important to deal with them professionally, something which is not drilled into our lives as children or adults?

A scientific known fact about trauma or a simple thing to remember is that traumas can be easily triggered. If you have had an accident, then a movie where the characters suffer an accident can trigger your trauma. The trigger could be anything in your life, a thing that people hardly pay any attention to. If you have a cheating husband, the stories or image of his person of interest can trigger. If there has been a childhood abuse, then people similar to the abuser can also trigger the events of the trauma. Or even having sex later in your life can trigger it reminds you of the abuse. If your parents have been abusive, then an abusive teacher can trigger those childhood traumas. What happens when the traumas of the past are triggered?

The emotions replay themselves. You go through the same emotions which you had undergone when you witnessed the trauma. It is as if the past events of life have resurfaced and are being replayed. The body and the mind go back in time. The person looks as if without any external cue they are suffering. People close to them could also deduce that they are acting out or manipulating others which is not true.

It is a scientifically proven fact that women who have been raped in childhood are more likely to undergo subsequent rapes. Children who are abused are likely to be bullied and abused in the future. Such traumas can lead to severe mental illnesses. It is surprising that even though research has firmly established these facts, it is hardly known to us in our everyday life. When we say someone has gone mad in love, we do not understand that the person is undergoing a trauma of failed love again and again. When a woman can be easily lured and slept with, she is called names and bad mouthed, even though it could be her past abuse which is leading to her sleeping around.

We need to understand this clearly. And put a stop to the lax assimilation we have so easily accepted.

(A lot of my understanding for this piece comes from the book ‘The

 body keeps the score’)